


He never left my mind. I never crossed his

by changkisbaby



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Crushes, Pinning!Kihyun, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-28 01:13:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17173037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changkisbaby/pseuds/changkisbaby
Summary: Some times Kihyun wonders what is worse. Confess to the person you've loved the most those past years and get probably a direct rejection, ruin the friendship you had with him and probably never talk again afterwards, or never confess and suffer alone the pain of his unrequited love.Sadly for Kihyun, his situation has both





	He never left my mind. I never crossed his

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy my dears changki shippers! ♥

Some times Kihyun wonders what is worse. Confess to the person you've loved the most those past years and get probably a direct rejection, ruin the friendship you had with him and probably never talk again afterwards, or never confess and suffer alone the pain of his unrequited love.

 

Sadly for Kihyun, his situation has both. Changkyun, their maknae and probably the man he has loved the most ever after debut, has been silently rejecting him without knowing _for years_ now, and those past months have been especially hurtful for the brown haired man after Changkyun took in hand the duty to let clear to the world how much he _doesn't_ like Kihyun.

 

Day by day Kihyun had has to witness how close and how touchy their youngest has become with everyone, _except him_. Those meaningless moments and touches everybody takes as nothing, Kihyun learnt to cherish deeply. And even if it's hurtful and Kihyun sometimes cry at night when Changkyun joked about how ugly he is or how the only good thing he has is his voice, Kihyun's heart still beats, without a single fail, every time Changkyun's close to him. His feelings for the lead rapper are growing every day more and it's almost overwhelming him. His heart, his mind and his body belong only to one man, and goes with the name of Im Changkyun.

 

But now, with Monsta x at the airport in a secret schedule, Kihyun's staring at the man who stole his breath away, whom is right now giving two shits about what Kihyun is doing, the main vocalist has a single thought in mind _: “He never left my mind, I never crossed his.”_

It’s one of the coldest days in Korea but still their CEO is sending them to Japan to prepare a new single. Thankfully any of their fans discovered where they are now so they can relax and pretend they’re only 7 people more in the airport.

 

But Kihyun’s freezing and Changkyun’s wearing a jacket too big for his small and thin body. The main vocalist, deep in his mind, knows this is going to break his heart once again, but tries to push that thought away as he walks towards the younger man. Changkyun looks startled as Kihyun wraps his arms around his thin figure and hides his face on the other’s neck.

 

“So warm…” The elder says with a small content voice, snuggling closer to the rapper and pulling his body as close as he can. He was craving for this kind of touch for so long and now that he has it, well, he’s happy.

 

Changkyun doesn’t move at first, a bit startled by the sudden display of affection but as soon as his brain registers what’s Kihyun doing, he doesn’t think twice before pushing the elder away, a big roughly if the main vocalist can say “Kihyun, no.”

 

And it felt as if something inside broke in millions of little pieces.

 

“Sorry, I was cold…”

 

“Emh, but you know I don’t like it.”

 

“You don’t care if it’s Hyungwon or Hoseok, but when it’s me…” Kihyun takes a long breath, turning to stare at the floor in shame, that sounds a lot like a jealous girlfriend and he detests the idea of Changkyun finding about his feelings in the worse way. Not mentioning how his eyes started to water with the harsh rejection.

 

“Hyung…”

 

“Forget it. I get it”

 

And walks away without mutter another world, trying his hardest to not turn around and glance at the man he left behind.

 

Kihyun sits in one of the chairs a little afar of the group and takes his phone out to distract his mind with other stuff, signs in his twitter account to read whatever his fans are saying and trying to cheer up with their love. It partially works and Kihyun’s mood improved at least enough to take the plane and not murder anyone.

 

He didn’t notice the person approaching him until he feels something soft around his shoulders and spins his head around to stare at whoever was next to him, only to find the maknae already walking away and his jacket around Kihyun’s shoulders.

 

Why is he like this? Always finding a way to drive Kihyun crazy and makes him fall in love all over again.

 

This time, however, Kihyun’s tired. Tired of feelings, tired of suffering, tired of crying. He already knew this stupid crush he has on his bandmate was totally hopeless but with every reject his heart was becoming num and by now, it’s like if the pain was part of him.

 

Kihyun’s already well known for his proud self, so he takes the jacket away and gives it to one of the staff girls. He doesn’t share a word with Changkyun anymore, not when he entered in the airplane and when he chose to sit between Minhyuk and Hyungwon, or when they arrived Japan and took the car to his destined hotel, or during the whole week straight they stayed there until their new single was over and they were allowed to go back home.

 

And it hurts much more that Changkyun didn’t care a bit about Kihyun’s indifference and actually looked happier with the new treatment, clinging and laughing with whoever was closer to him. The younger didn’t try to talk with Kihyun at all during the whole week, didn’t try to stand near the elder at least to be sure Kihyun was okay, didn’t try to fix anything. It’s like if Kihyun was just a mere presence Changkyun needed to handle and now that Kihyun let him alone, Changkyun’s eyes shone in joy.

 

Kihyun made his decision, he’ll get over Changkyun even if it’s the last thing he’ll do.

 

 

 

 

 

After arriving at his dormitory, Kihyun goes straight to take a bath, having in mind his very comfy bed and his well deserve night of sleep. Japan’s beautiful, he can’t deny that, especially during this season, but nothing as his own room and his own bed.

 

Clean and smelling like fruits, Kihyun walks to his and Hoseok’s room, but before he opens the door, he’s dragged by Minhyuk to the living room “It’s Movies’ night!!”

 

“I’m not in the mood of Movies’ nights, you dickhead! Let me sleep!”

 

“You’re not of the mood of nothing anymore, Ki. Like, _ever_ , so don’t be boring and let’s have a good time with our bandmates!”

 

Kihyun hisses annoyed, something smells really bad here and it’s not Hyunwoo’s feet “Do I have an option?”

 

“You know me.”

 

Of course, he doesn’t have a voice in this either.

 

In the living room, the rest are waiting for them, with a movie Kihyun has never heard of before. He suspected something weird from the whole scene from the very first moment Minhyuk pushed him to sit next to Changkyun, but when each one of them started making lame excuses to get out of the living room, Kihyun was completely sure they planned this.

 

And Kihyun seriously doesn’t have the time or the heart to be pulling off this shit. Without mutters a word, he gets up ready to take what he’s deprived the most.

 

“Hyung! Wait…”

 

“What for?” The elder says coldly and despite the hurt and surprise running through Changkyun’s face, he doesn’t try to mend his actions.

 

“I wanted to talk with you.”

 

“Really, now?”

 

“Y-yes. If you want…”

 

“Well, I don’t want to.” He tries to walks away but immediately Changkyun stands up as well and follows him, stopping right when he’s reaching the door. So sad.

 

“P-Please Hyung, I really don’t like how things are between us… lately.”

 

“Why? Things aren’t any different than before.”

 

“They are! It’s like—if you don’t want—to talk with me…” as he talks, Changkyun’s voice becomes smaller and smaller, until it is only a simple whisper, but still Kihyun hears and understand what he’s trying to say clearly.

 

So, surprisingly Changkyun noticed the change.

 

“I don’t’ know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Hyung please, if I did something wrong, please tell me, so I can…”

 

“You can, what? Change? There are a lot of stuff you can’t do even if you want to.”

 

Love me, for example. Kihyun thinks bitterly.

 

“But I can try, Kihyun, If I hurt you in any way, please, tell me, I want to…”

 

“Are you sure you wanna know?”

 

It’s obvious the hesitance in his voice, but still Changkyun says: “Yes.”

 

“Changkyun” Kihyun takes a long breath, trying to take all the strength his body is craving for “If you started disliking me, if you are disgusted by me, if you don’t want me to get close to you, if you’re ashamed to be seeing with me, if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, if you detests the idea of being related in any way with me or if you just started hating me, just told me so directly and don’t let me alone guessing why you started acting so coldly with me. It hurts Changkyun, it hurts a big lot because I thought we were close, I thought I was as important to you as any other member, but you… you just act as if my presence annoys you and I’m tired.”

 

“Hyung… It’s not that...”

 

“So, from now, I’ll keep my distance Changkyun, and I beg you to do the same.”

 

Kihyun turns around to enter in his shared room, but Changkyun’s stubborn and instead grabs his arm and holds him tightly. And when Kihyun finally meets Changkyun’s eyes again, he can see the desperation and the hurt in them, so immediately he glances to any other place.

 

“No Hyung! No no no no no no no, I don’t want you to do that, Hyung please, your friendship is one of the most precious things I have in my life and I’ll die if you are not by my side anymore, Hyung, I love you, you are so so so important to me…”

 

“Words mean nothing if you don’t support them with actions Kyun, and your actions tell me you want me away from you.”

 

As soon as Changkyun’s nickname slips his lips, Kihyun’s eyes starts to form new tears. The main vocalist hates how weak he is for this boy.

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry.”

 

With Changkyun’s apology, Kihyun takes it as if he’s been right the whole time, and swallows the little hope fluttering in his heart. It’s over now

 

“I know you are. So, if you let me go…”

 

“I’m sorry for make you think those stuff and I’m sorry for what I’m going to do now.”

 

Changkyun cups the elder’s face between his hands and it feels as hours when he stars approaching him. His lips feel so close to his, his breath hitting his face, his body

 

Kihyun stays frozen in the younger’s arms. Is this real? Or is he dreaming? But Changkyun’s lips feel so soft and firm at the same time against his own, his body feels so hot against his, and his hands feels so wonderful holding his waist.

 

“I’m sorry if my actions hurt you, I swear it wasn’t my intention even if they seem otherwise. But I saw how people started suspecting in the social media about me and I became self-conscious. If people who know absolutely nothing about me realized how I felt about you through pictures, then you, who knows me the best, would found it too, I thought so. So I tried to behave, I tried to hide it better but in the process I hurt you, you, the person I care the most, and I’m truly sorry. I beg your forgiveness and I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you, because Hyung, the truth is, I’m in love with you, I’ve been for a while. So please, Don’t think I dislike you, or I’m disgusted by you, or I don’t want you close to me, or I’m ashamed of you, or I don’t want to be your friend anymore, or I detest the idea of being related to you, or I hated you, because Hyung, every day is a battle with myself to not go where you are and hug you, kiss you, cuddle you, touch you, or shout to the world I want you to be mine.”

 

“I-”

 

“Now it’s my turn to beg you to not hate me, but if you don’t want me to be close to you, I’ll obey, hoping someday you’ll understand my feelings for you but never, please, never, doubt how important you are to me, now, so… hmm… good night, Hyung.”

 

Changkyun’s the one who tried to run away but Kihyun’s brain finally snaps and stops him before he can take a single step away from him. He’s tired of this stupid, adorable, beautiful but very dumb guy running away from him.

 

“Are you serious?” He asks again, waiting for Changkyun to say he’s joking and how could he believe him. But the honesty in his eyes is something that can’t be faked, and when he nodded Kihyun encircled the younger’s waist with his arms and pulls him in an almost suffocating hug.

 

“I love you too, you dumb stupid idiot.” At first Changkyun’s startle but as soon as his brain starts working, he hugs the elder with the same intensity, pecking softly his lips muttering a “But I love you more.”

 

And it’s then when Kihyun knows they’re going to be okay from now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you ♥


End file.
